"FLESH & BLOOD" by Matthew J.R. Smith

RLA Runner ups

"Some Mean City" by Bruce Lawson

"One Dreddful Christmas" By Torben Vang

"Joe-Cit - A Megacity One story" by Alan Donald

"FUTURE SHOCK" by Gary Simpson

"FULL DENTAL JACKET" by Dave Lane

"Judge Dredd - Fire and Brimstone" by Martin Luscombe

"Dead Legacy" By Jim Phillips

"Caas" By Alan Stevenson

There’s a suspicion in the writing industry that about nine out of ten manuscripts aren’t even treated to a single glance from the party at the receiving end.

We frustrated wordsmiths like to imagine publishers and editors as hillock-sized examples of morbid obesity, moulded into kitsch imitation leather swivel-chairs: tobacco stains on every finger and a chocolate éclair hanging flaccid from their lips. These vast creatures spend day and night counting money and eating, attending ‘working luncheons’ and smirking every time an unsolicited submission arrives. They are rarely short of fire-fuel in the winter, when an ample pile of someone’s lifework is put to a use for which it was never intended. They employ people who do nothing all day but empty the waste-paper bins of all the unopened envelopes.

Editors, we like to imagine, are bastards.

It’s just possible that some of them are. When I decided to run this competition, back before Christmas ’99, I thought about reform. I thought I could spearhead a revolution in editorial freedom. I deliberately left the guidelines open, I wanted as much variety as possible. And, I thought, I will be Fair and Thorough whilst deciding upon winners.

Of course, life isn’t the most accommodating thing in the world, and things rarely turn-out as planned. It took a lot longer than I’d planned – I feel I must apologise to all the writers who’ve been patiently wondering what the hell happened to their stories. I suspect that if I’d taken much longer a sustained hate-e-mail campaign might have begun in earnest. My only excuse is that I have a real life as well as a highbrow hoity-toity editorial one and the two don’t often mix.

The other problem lies in the definition of quality: What is it exactly that makes a good story? And here was where I realised my mistake – I’d left the competition too open. I had no frame of reference, no way of saying ‘this story is just what we want, whereas this one doesn’t fit the mould…’ There was no mould.

I didn’t receive any bad submissions. And there are going to be quite a few disappointed would-be writers out there – my advice is this: Don’t be discouraged. Stories weren’t picked for all sorts of reasons – too many grammatical errors, an idea that wasn’t quite good enough; the list goes on. The point is that the stories weren’t poor, they simply weren’t quite good enough – yet. With a little work any and all of them would be perfectly usable, but as with all things I was forced to prioritise. What’s even worse is that many of the unsuccessful submitters will read-through the winners and think: Mine was better than that. They may be right – as I said, there’s no way of judging quality. I picked the ten winners simply because I liked them. Call it the editor’s prerogative.

The only guideline for the competition was to make the stories interesting. The ten winners, I feel, are exactly that. They range from epic hunks of fiction (that just barely can be classified ‘short-stories’) with action a go-go, to short gems of Big Meg life, to bizarre tension-filled chillers, to out-and-out ‘gag’ stories that promise to twist even the most serious Dredd fan’s mouth into a sneer of appreciation. The spelling and grammar aren’t always perfect, but hey – we’re amateurs. What do you expect – Shakespeare? (William, not Marlon – or Fritz…)

I think that the best outcome of this competition lies in the freshness of the stories. They tell-tales of and in Dredd’s world that would never find their way into 2000AD: they prove that the Judges and Dredd and the Meg don’t just exist in the pages of a comic – they’re a living, breathing reality that has grown beyond its origins and evolved into something packed with possibilities and opportunities.

So, there ya’ go. If I’m still regarded as the editorial bastard, then at least I have precedent on my side. And if you enjoy reading the results of the Random Literary Abuse contest, then visit the CO’79 message board or the 2000AD newsgroup to let us know what you think.

At this point I must thank Will Logan and Ross Hendry for their support, the folks at the Nerve Centre for being so uncharacteristically enthusiastic about an amateur production, Tharg for printing the letters of advertisement in 2000AD and the Meg, all the good ladies and gents from the newsgroup, and everyone who sent me material. Thanks everyone – look after yourself. Oh, and remember: It’s a jungle out there.

SI.